Learning to trust God with my parents has become one of the most personal parts of my discipleship. Both of my parents have passed away. They were sealed by proxy, and I’ve been sealed to them too. On paper, that should feel like a tidy ending: the ordinances are checked off. But my heart doesn’t always get the memo. Sometimes it still feels a little scary, because proxy ordinances are more like an open door than a guarantee. They don’t take away anyone’s agency. So I can do everything I’m supposed to, and still find myself worrying about the part I can’t control: what someone else chooses in the end.
That’s one of the trickiest parts of loving people: you can’t pick their hearts for them. You can’t make someone understand, or humble, or repent, or even peaceful—no matter how much you want to.
Never-Ending Family Drama
Here’s what helps me when my mind starts running in circles: God isn’t putting together some never-ending family drama. He’s building a healed heaven. He cares deeply about families, and He doesn’t mess around with justice.
The Lord taught that the gospel is preached in the spirit world, and that people can repent, learn, and “live according to God in the spirit”:
- “…he organized his forces and appointed messengers… and thus was the gospel preached to the dead.” (Doctrine and Covenants 138:30)
- “…even unto all who would repent…” (Doctrine and Covenants 138:31)
- “These were taught faith in God, repentance from sin…” (Doctrine and Covenants 138:33)
- “…live according to God in the spirit.” (Doctrine and Covenants 138:34)
That changes how I picture what’s ahead. I don’t have to believe my dad is stuck forever as the guy he was on his hardest days. I don’t have to believe my mom is locked into anything she wouldn’t actually want. God honors agency, but He also knows how to teach, soften, correct, and heal in ways we can barely imagine from here.
Sacred Ordinances
It also reminds me what sealings really are: covenants that center on Jesus Christ, not just family titles or warm fuzzy feelings. The ordinance is sacred, but it doesn’t cancel out truth or skip over the need for real reconciliation. Heavenly Father is all-in on families, but He’s just as all-in on goodness.
That’s why it matters to me that the Lord is clear that eternal covenants ultimately require God’s approval (not just the ordinance being performed):
“…sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise… [or they] are of no efficacy… in and after the resurrection…” (Doctrine and Covenants 132:7)
That doctrine doesn’t scare me—it actually reassures me. It tells me God isn’t just handing out eternal rubber stamps that ignore agency, repentance, or justice. He’ll make things right, and He’ll make them peaceful too.
For me, that doctrine is honestly comforting. It means Heavenly Father isn’t just stamping forms and calling it good. He approves what’s truly right. He honors agency. Heavenly Father takes repentance seriously. He makes space for healing and real covenant faithfulness. He sees what nobody else sees: private tears, old hurts, family patterns, selfish choices, and also the quiet, real desire to finally change. It helps me while I’m learning to trust God with my parents
The Savior Isn’t Winging It
That changes how I carry my family story. It helps me stop acting like eternity is a house of cards that could fall apart if one person slips up. It reminds me that the Savior isn’t guessing or winging it when it comes to the hard stuff. Jesus Christ knows exactly how to teach, redeem, and repair without excusing sin or trapping the innocent.
So I’m learning to hold two commitments at once, without letting them wrestle each other for first place:
- I do the temple work and keep my covenants. I show up
- I worship. I remember that ordinances matter
- I keep offering my family what the Lord has asked me to offer
- I trust God with how it all turns out
I accept that I can’t manage anyone else’s agency, whether they’re here or on the other side.
When I start to feel anxious, I try to swap out the question in my head. Instead of, “What if they don’t choose what I hope?”
I Believe The Atonement
I ask, “Do I trust Jesus Christ to be perfectly loving and perfectly fair?” Because at the end of the day, this isn’t just about my parents. It’s about whether I believe the Atonement is big enough to reach into messy family history and actually make it whole.
That’s where I’ve landed: I can’t control how eternity shakes out, but I can choose faith. I can stay in the Church. I can stay close to the temple. And I can keep putting my family, over and over, into the hands of a Savior who is both just and merciful, until the day when everything hidden is made clear, and everything broken can finally be healed. And in the meantime, I’m learning to trust God with my parents.
This work was created with the help of AI as a tool for research, proofreading, and checking doctrinal accuracy—much like many writers rely on researchers and editors to strengthen clarity and correctness. However, the thoughts, interpretations, and overall message are mine, and I wrote the vast majority of the text.
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