I just found out that someone I’ve always looked up to for their faith and steady spiritual walk has decided to stop coming to church. Suddenly, “staying in the boat” isn’t just a catchy phrase or a nice idea; it feels real and personal, like something you actually have to choose with your heart. I’m not sharing any details here—partly because I want to be respectful, and partly because, honestly, I have no idea who knows what. What I do know is this: it hit me harder than I expected.
This hasn’t shaken my testimony. I’m not suddenly doubting the Restoration or the covenants I’ve made. But I’ll admit it: I feel sad. I feel worried. And if I’m being honest, a little fear is mixed in too. When someone you’ve mentally labeled as “unshakable” steps away, it can make you start asking questions you never thought you’d ask:
How does that happen? Did I miss something? What am I supposed to do now? And the one that sneaks in when you’re not looking: If it can happen to them, can it happen to anyone?
If you’ve ever felt that way, you’re in good company. Elders quorum is full of guys juggling families, work stress, health stuff, private heartbreak, and the never-ending spiritual treadmill of modern life. So this is for priesthood holders who want to be faithful, not just look the part. Steady, not clueless. Loving, not overbearing. Strong, but not so stiff you snap like a breadstick.
1) The danger of “borrowed light”
This experience exposed something in me: I had let a tiny part of my spiritual confidence rest on someone else’s discipleship. Not in a worshipful way—good examples matter. We’re supposed to strengthen each other. But there’s a subtle trap: when we lean on a “stalwart” person as a spiritual landmark, their steadiness can start to feel like proof that everything is fine.
And when that landmark moves, it can feel like the ground under your feet is wobbling too.
The truth is simple and bracing: you cannot borrow a testimony. Someone else’s faith can inspire you, but you cannot live on it. You cannot outsource your oil. You cannot coast on your quorum’s momentum, your family’s tradition, or your bishop’s strength. Those are supports. They are not foundations.
Alma taught that faith is a living thing that must be maintained on purpose:
“If ye will nourish the word… by your faith with great diligence, and with patience… it shall be a tree springing up unto everlasting life.” (Alma 32:41–43)
That word nourish is important. Nourishing is something you do every day, on purpose, over and over. It’s what you do when life is boring and nothing big is happening, so you’re ready when something big does happen.
So here’s a loving but direct question for priesthood holders: What’s your actual nourishment plan? Not your good intentions. Natural optimism isn’t enough either. Neither are your warm, fuzzy memories from Primary.
Your plan.
- Prayer that is real, not rushed
- Scripture study that feeds, not checks a box.
- Sacrament that is covenantal, not casual
- Temple worship (as able) that re-centers your soul
- Service that stretches you beyond self
If my faith is mostly social, if I’m borrowing it from the strong people around me, it’s going to feel shaky every time someone steps away. But if my faith is rooted in Jesus Christ, I can feel sad without falling apart, and stay anchored in Him.
2) Build on the Rock—not on the reputation of the righteous
When this news reached me, part of my mind wanted a simple explanation: What happened? What’s the cause? Who’s to blame? But real life rarely fits into a clean narrative. Some struggles are quiet. Certain wounds are old. Our battles may be medical, emotional, relational, financial, or spiritual—and often they overlap.
So instead of demanding answers, I’m trying to return to a doctrine that holds up under pressure. Helaman didn’t say, “Build your foundation on strong people.” He didn’t even say, “Build it on strong programs.” He said:
“It is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ… that ye must build your foundation… a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.” (Helaman 5:12)
That’s not just a Primary poster. That’s a survival skill for real life.
People change. Leaders get released. Friends step away. Even the most solid disciple can hit a point where church feels too hard, too confusing, too tiring, or just too much for now. That doesn’t mean the gospel is shaky. It just means life is real.
So when someone steps away, we don’t rewrite the doctrine. We hold tighter to the covenant path and to Christ.
3) The priesthood line: help without becoming a burden
Here’s the part a lot of us feel but don’t always know how to say: There’s a fine line between wanting to help and accidentally becoming a burden. Between ministering and just plain meddling. Between loving and turning into the church’s version of a helicopter parent.
Let’s be honest: sometimes our urge to “help” is really just us trying to calm our own nerves. We want to fix things fast so we can feel comfortable again.
But covenant love doesn’t panic. It’s patient. It’s strong enough to stick around without trying to run the show.
Here are a few elders quorum ground rules to keep our love real and not weird:
- Protect their story. No gossip. No “Have you heard?” No prayer-request details that turn into a group discussion.
- Keep the relationship, not the project. This is a soul, not a rescue assignment.
- Ask permission before going deep. “Would it be okay if I asked how you’re doing with church stuff?”
- Offer specifics, not speeches. Lunch, a ride, help with a task—specific love lands.
- Don’t interrogate ‘why.’ Many reasons are layered and not yours to demand.
Moroni described the Church’s posture like this:
“… remembered and nourished by the good word of God… relying alone upon the merits of Christ…” (Moroni 6:4–5)
That’s our job: remember and nourish. That’s our job: remember and nourish.
4) Staying in the boat—and keeping a hand out
Elder M. Russell Ballard’s advice to “stay in the boat” is spot on. The Old Ship Zion still belongs to the Lord. The covenants still matter. The keys still matter. The sacrament still matters. When the waves get choppy, the answer isn’t to jump ship—it’s to hold on to the Savior and to each other.
His talk is worth rereading:
“Stay in the Boat and Hold On!” (Oct 2014)
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2014/10/stay-in-the-boat-and-hold-on?lang=eng
But staying in the boat doesn’t mean closing your heart to someone who’s stepped away. It means you don’t bail out in fear or cynicism, and you keep reaching out in love. It means you hold on to the iron rod and keep your covenants, even when your feelings are a bit of a mess.
A steady priesthood holder isn’t someone who never gets rattled. He’s someone who brings his worries to Christ, comes back to his covenants, and keeps ministering, no drama required.
5) Words you can actually say
If you’re lost for words, try simple and strong:
* “I care about you. No agenda—just wanted you to know.”
* “I’m here if you ever want to talk. If not, I’m still here.”
* “Would you rather I check in sometimes, or wait for you to reach out?”
* “Can I do something practical for you this week?”
Those sentences don’t argue, corner, or assume. They keep the door open, and that’s what real love does.
Closing: A Call to Quorum Strength By Staying In The Boat
I don’t know what the future holds for the person I love and respect. I don’t know what timeline the Lord is working on. But I do know what I’m choosing:
- I will not build my faith on someone else’s strength.
- I will not panic when the storm hits another disciple.
- I will keep staying in the boat.
- I will remain anchored in Christ.
- I will love without pressure, because that’s how Christ loves.
If you’re the one struggling quietly, please hear this: you don’t have to carry it alone.
- Keep praying, even if your prayers are messy
- Keep reaching, even if it’s just a little bit at a time
- Keep trying, even if all you can do today is hang on
And if you’re watching someone else struggle, don’t turn them into a cautionary tale. Let their situation remind you to nourish your own faith, deepen your own conversion, hold on to the iron rod, and minister like the Savior would: steady, patient, and real.
About Gospel Discussion and Comparisons: This website’s content is for entertainment and faith-building discussion. Any comparisons made between movies, books, current events, or other media and the Gospel of Jesus Christ are personal commentary and illustrative only[…]
I used AI to help with research, proofreading, and checking for doctrinal accuracy. This is much like how writers often work with researchers and editors to make their work clearer and more accurate. Still, all the ideas, interpretations, and the main message in this text are my own.
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